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Rob Simpson's Journal
20 most recent entries

Date:2010-09-30 15:02
Subject:so, hi and stuff

it appears that I barely use livejournal anymore. I read it once a week or so, but that ends up mostly lolcats and recipe/foodporn posts.

so, what's up?

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Date:2010-05-13 16:00

A U.S. Marine squad was marching north of Fallujah when they came upon an Iraqi terrorist who was badly injured and unconscious.

On the opposite side of the road was an American Marine in a similar but less serious state.
The Marine was conscious and alert and as first aid was given to both men, the squad leader asked the injured Marine what had happened.

The Marine reported, "I was heavily armed and moving north along the highway here, and coming south was a heavily armed insurgent. We saw each other and both took cover in the ditches along the road.

I yelled to him that Saddam Hussein was a miserable, lowlife scum bag who got what he deserved.

And he yelled back that Barack Obama is a lying, good-for-nothing, left wing Commie who isn't even an American.

So I said that Osama Bin Laden dresses and acts like a frigid, mean-spirited lesbian!

He retaliated by yelling, "Oh yeah? Well, so does Nancy Pelosi!"

"And, there we were, in the middle of the road, Shaking hands, when a truck hit us."

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Date:2009-12-07 14:16
Subject:History in a nutshell
Mood: amused

For those who don't know history ... Here is a condensed version:

Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.

The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundations of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:

1 . Liberals
2. Conservatives

Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement.

Other men who were weaker, less skilled at hunting, or squeamish about killing learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing.
This was the beginning of the Liberal movement...

Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. Those became known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.

Over the years, conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Incidentally, liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer, mostly Bud, Miller, or Rolling Rock. They
eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, engineers, corporate executives, athletes, members of the military, airline pilots and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing.... They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the conservatives' production.
Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America . Liberals crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.

Here ends today's lesson in world history.

It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above, and to not forward it.

A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true believers and to more liberals just to tick them off.

And there you have it.

Let your next action reveal your true self .

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Date:2009-10-20 10:24

back from las vegas. I came back neither married nor rich.

I am exhausted though. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

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Date:2009-10-12 11:55

An old southern Baptist country preacher had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should give some thought to choosing a profession.

Like many young men, the boy didn't really know what he wanted to do, and he didn't seem too concerned about it.

One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment. He went into the boy's room and placed on his study table four objects:

A Bible,
A silver dollar,
A bottle of whiskey,
A Playboy magazine

"I'll just hide behind the door," the old preacher said to himself, "and when he comes home from school this afternoon, I'll see which object he picks up. If it's the Bible, he's going to be a preacher like me, and what a blessing that would be! If he picks up the dollar, he's going to be a businessman, and that would be okay, too. But if he picks up the bottle, he's going to be a no-good drunkard, and, Lord, what a shame that would be! And worst of all, if he picks up that magazine he's gonna be a skirt-chasin' bum."

The old man waited anxiously, and soon heard his son's footsteps as he entered the house whistling and headed for his room. The boy tossed his books on the bed, and as he turned to leave the room he spotted the objects on the table.

With curiosity in his eye, he walked over to inspect them. Finally, he picked up the Bible and placed it under his arm. He picked up the silver dollar and dropped it into his pocket. He uncorked the bottle and took a big drink while he admired this month's Centerfold.

"Lord have mercy," the old preacher muttered in disgust, "he's gonna be a Congressman."

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Date:2009-08-04 14:36

My Political Views
I am a centrist social moderate
Left: 0.37, Libertarian: 0.31

Political Spectrum Quiz

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Date:2009-07-16 16:05
Subject:Writer's Block: 5//7//5
Mood: creative

Sum up your day in the form of a haiku.

Droning Through The Day
Inbox is still way too full
Almost Beer Thirty

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Date:2009-06-03 10:35
Mood: content

brief update:

Still slaving away at work... No huge fires today, so I can actually breathe for a change.
Also, they about made me passout yesterday afternoon... they scheduled a meeting to ask about to possibliity of getting some specific data, which usually means like yesterday... this is something they are thinking about doing a month down the road. Nearly fell off my chair when I realized they were planning ahead for a change.

Monterrey Jack is curing now (2 more weeks).
I'm about done with the Feta. holy cow it was good, complicated to make, but alot easier to cure (cures in a jar of salt water in the fridge).

that's about all.

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Date:2009-04-19 11:30

I am hereby declaring the homemade cheddar cheese experiment a major win.


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Date:2009-04-02 11:00
Subject:Recipe for Entertainment
Mood: amused

Take an old cat, say 17 years old or so, who is VERY set in his ways

Add one brand new Roomba Robotic Vacuum.

Sit back and watch
Cat stalks behind roomba, roomba suddenly changes directions, cat sets new personal best vertical leap record getting out of the way.

I was TRYING to do WiiFit yoga stuff at the time. Those exercises get ALOT harder when you're laughing hysterically.

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Date:2009-02-19 13:18
Subject:Sex. . .
Mood: amused

"Sex is like math add the bed subtract the cloth divide the legs and hope to god you dont multiply"

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Date:2009-02-17 13:35
Subject:cheese - encore.

So I've upped the ante and tried again...

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Date:2009-02-03 11:05
Subject:Cheese part II

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Date:2009-02-02 09:56
Subject:another kitchen adventure...
Mood: content

So What is Rob making in the kitchen today?

more...Collapse )

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Date:2009-01-12 10:19
Subject:Adventures in Rob's kitchen...

I forgot to pile all the ingredients up ahead of time this time around, so we'll have to give you more hints (actually the ingredients would have been a dead give-away anyway.)

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Date:2008-12-31 13:36
Subject:today's adventure in Rob's Kitchen

What could I be making?

more photosCollapse )

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Date:2008-12-25 17:44
Subject:the holidays

As Christmas comes and goes, I want to wish each an every one of you happy holidays.

Hopefully at some time during this holiday season you've found time to spend with friends and family, relax a bit, perhaps recharge the batteries, feast on good food and better company and so on.

Happy holidays, hopefully the coming year will be fruitful in your house.

Wishing you peace, good food, and relaxation,

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Date:2008-12-10 16:37
Subject:Hey Former KTXT (and Tech) people.
Mood: sad

RIP KTXTCollapse )

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Date:2008-12-08 09:42
Subject:BCS declares Germany winner of WWII
Mood: amused

BCS declares Germany winner of WWII
Fri, 5 Dec 2008 10:57:00 -0600

After determining the Big-12 championship game participants,
the BCS computers were put to work on other major contests
and today the BCS declared Germany to be the winner of World
War II.

"Germany put together an incredible number of victories
beginning with the annexation of Austria and the Sudetenland
and continuing on into conference play with defeats of
Poland, France, Norway, Sweden, Denmark, Belgium and the
Netherlands. Their only losses came against the US and
Russia; however considering their entire body of
work--including an incredibly tough Strength of Schedule--our
computers deemed them worthy of the #1 ranking."

Questioned about the #4 ranking of the United States the BCS
commissioner stated "The US only had two major victories--
Japan and Germany . The computer models, unlike humans,
aren't influenced by head-to-head contests--they consider
each contest to be only a single, equally-weighted event."

German Chancellor Adolph Hiter said "Yes, we lost to the US ;
but we defeated #2 ranked France in only 6 weeks." Herr
Hitler has been criticized for seeking dramatic victories to
earn 'style points' to enhance Germany 's rankings. Hitler
protested "Our contest with Poland was in doubt until the
final day and the conditions in Norway were incredibly
challenging and demanded the application of additional

The French ranking has also come under scrutiny. The BCS
commented " France had a single loss against Germany and
following a preseason #1 ranking they only fell to #2."

Japan was ranked #3 with victories including Manchuria,
Borneo and the Philippines .

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Date:2008-12-01 14:51
Subject:Harrell plays second half with 9 fractures on his non-throwing hand.


(yes that says 17 pins and 2 plates)

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